WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND?!

here's the thing i don't understand.. i OBVIOUSLY have ZERO interest in going BACK to courage kenny and idiots STILL seem to think that's the place for me to be. I WENT THERE FOR AT LEAST 8 YEARS WHILE MY GRANDMA WAS STILL LIVING AND IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I WAS ACTUALLY CRYING BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA GO THERE ANYMORE- THEY WOULDN'T LET ME ACTUALLY PROGRESS BECAUSE OF "LIABILITY".. IN OTHER WORDS- WE WANNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR STUPID ASS AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE NO ONE OBVIOUSLY LISTENS TO YOU ANYWAY OR YOU WOULD BE PROGRESSING ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND NOT BEING FORCED TO RETURN TO THIS SAD ASS EXCUSE OF A "REHABILITATION INSTITUTE"! IT'S ALSO AN ADVANTAGE FOR YOU THAT NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT ME ENOUGH TO ADVOCATE FOR ME! NO ONE recognizes the shit i went through to get in the condition i'm in now (ambulatory with a cane, living independently with like 5 hours of pca a day). I'M NOT WASTING ANY MORE OF MY TIME FOR A PLACE THAT REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY PROGRESSION JUST FOR THEIR ADVANTAGE. take advantage of some other disabled idiot. so i definitely see no reason to continue wasting my time at some place where they don't recognize how hard i work and my progress. if it would be up to them jerks- I'D STILL BE IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR BECAUSE DISABLED MEANS TOO STUPID TO WORK OR PROGRESS IN LIFE THE WAY I HAD PLANNED IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE BECAUSE THAT'S INCONVENIENT TO THEM AND NEGLIGENT EXCUSES OF "SUPPORT" WHO ALSO IGNORE MY PROGRESS OR HOW I'M DOING BECAUSE *GASP* THAT'S TOO FUCKING INCONVENIENT FOR THEM! I'M NOT my mom- I WASN'T BORN WITH MY DISABILITY. THEIR CONDITION IS ACTUALLY MORE SEVERE THAN MINE BECAUSE IT WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO LAST THROUGH WHEN THEY WERE BORN. I LEARNED ABOUT THAT IN ONE OF THE CLASSES I TOOK AT SUMMIT. ALL this doesn't matter though! I'M CRAZY ACCORDING TO AMANDA AND EVERYONE ELSE TOO INCONVENIENCED TO REALIZE THE TRUTH. dustin would probably fit in that category but the only reason why they even care is because they figure they'll get something outta keeping me in this state where i'm not really successful- just barely getting by since people refuse to recognize my ability and potential. my grandma seen that courage kenny was NOT helpful to me anymore- so she went and found tram holloway and his arp therapy which ACTUALLY HELPED me get on my feet again. HE WASN'T STUCK ON LIABILITY BULLSHIT.
i've been receiving numerous e-mails about jobs lately (well it's been going on for a while now). i'm not sure if i'm getting them because my job coach signed me up for them or if someone else signed me up for them? the thing is, MOST of the jobs that the e-mails advertise are FULL TIME positions (so my social security benefits would be in jeopardy). it sucks that i still have to be stuck working jobs which were probably meant for high schoolers just starting in their occupation but i guess it's better than nothing and someone's gotta work them. i feel like i've been working part-time jobs for at least 10 years now and i THOUGHT workers were supposed to get "promoted" so they could have the ability to work more and higher paying jobs the longer they worked but since i really don't have advocacy to speak up for me- people can continue taking advantage of my lack of advocacy JUST SO THEY'LL HAVE JOBS! I SHOULD BE MORE "GRATEFUL" TO LOOK LIKE A HANDICAP IDIOT WHO WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO MAKE AT LEAST THE COST-OF-LIVING! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! SO STUPID! WHAT THE HELL MAKES ME THINK I CAN MAKE A LIVING WAGE WHEN WORKING?! MY PLACE IS TO GO MINDLESSLY TO COURAGE KENNY SO THEY CAN CONTINUE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY LACK OF ADVOCACY AND DISABILITY! also a reason i refuse to go back to courage kenny because *GASP* I AM CAPABLE OF DOING MORE WITH MY LIFE BESIDES BEING UNDERESTIMATED AND LOOKED AT AS SOME CRAZY, DISABLED, BUM BECAUSE IT'S TOO FUCKING INCONVENIENT FOR ME TO ACTUALLY LIVE AN ACTUAL LIFE! look where i came from! if she can live this way- I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THE SAME! RIGHT AMANDA?! even though we have NOTHING alike (not even our brain injuries are the same- my grandma told me that my mom was born with the umbilical chord around her neck- so hers would be a nuchal chord injury which is MORE severe than mine because it happened at birth. i actually am reading on google and i think my mom may have a NON-TRAUMATIC brain injury.. while mine is TRAUMATIC because the injury was caused by a blow to the head. my mom's was caused by internal causes.. so we're different that way also.) I HAVE MORE CAPABILITY THAN TO JUST DEPEND ON STRICTLY SOCIAL SECURITY. the more people refuse to acknowledge that- the more frustrated and unhappy i'll be. my mom and i also differ in the fact that her parents HAD money to assist her during her whole life- so she didn't need to work- whereas my mom DOESN'T have money and my dad is dead. that's also the problem with people like amanda who ignorantly just assume disabled people should just depend on social security because they don't have the capability to do anything besides make "health professionals" look "useful" and it's NOT THEIR problems personally. I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT I EVEN GET MONEY! RIGHT CATHY?! I CORRUPTED YOUR SON INTO DRINKING AND DRIVING, I FORCED THE ALCOHOL DOWN HIS THROAT AND FORCED HIM TO DRIVE WRECKLESSLY SO WE'D GET IN AN ACCIDENT! THIS is just a taste of the shit that goes on in my head during the day. now that i said that- amanda will be looking into mental institutes for me so she can appear "helpful" without ACTUALLY taking the effort to figure out PERSONALLY what's going on with me because IT'S MORE ENTERTAINING NOT TO! she assumes that people who went to college know everything, so they'll help me because they get paid for it- without even considering that MAYBE my problem is that i'm not getting the advocacy to live TRULY CONSTRUCTIVE and USEFUL because WHAT RIGHT DO I HAVE TO LIVE A CONSTRUCTIVE LIFE?! I'M JUST A DISABLED, IDIOT WITH A BRAIN INJURY. RIGHT AMANDA AND MY MOM?! ALSO AMY BECAUSE SHE SEEMS TO HAVE THIS BRIGHT IDEA THAT THE ONLY THING I'M CAPABLE OF IS TO ATTEND THE COURAGE CENTER MINDLESSLY. and i'm convinced she lives to read her crazy ass sister's thoughts on her blog every day, work on gettin your GED. you talk about it enough. talking is NOT the same as actually taking the effort to get it. if you were really so strung on being like your big sis- you'd be getting your damn ged. seeing as i graduated high school with HONORS and was involved in sports before i got into a car accident.